fuckatherine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fuckatherine) wrote2023-07-04 02:00 pm
fuckatherine) wrote2023-07-04 02:00 pm
Entry tags:
Regarding pasts + the future
I don't think I'm very good at just letting things be.
But then again, you only know what you're taught. My world never lets anything be. I learned earlier how unobstructed rivers will continue bending until their middles intersect, pushing water down this new pathway while severing a C-shaped section of its former track. This seems appropriate to describing my complaint in which the further I seem to be from any mildly me-altering event I inevitably and dramatically find myself back in its throes again.
I think this is fun sometimes. Keeps things intriguing. Mostly, though, I imagine this:
Honestly though I think I just complain to complain. It would be a lie to suggest that I don't receive these ... visitations of the past ... without gleeful incredulity. I feel like letting something be implies letting it stagnate. I hate that. The best and most truthful understanding of these encounters is through the lens of opportunity. Every rendezvous is a chance to be better than I last was. Usually, when there's enough change from both sides, I am blessed with a resolution.
Sometimes, however, there isn't. In that case I simply use the blade of free will, gifted to all but only wielded by some, and sever the tie. I might not ask for the situation but if needed, I can still get the fuck out!
But then again, you only know what you're taught. My world never lets anything be. I learned earlier how unobstructed rivers will continue bending until their middles intersect, pushing water down this new pathway while severing a C-shaped section of its former track. This seems appropriate to describing my complaint in which the further I seem to be from any mildly me-altering event I inevitably and dramatically find myself back in its throes again.
I think this is fun sometimes. Keeps things intriguing. Mostly, though, I imagine this:
Woman (?) Exits The Seclusion of Sleep With No Knowledge Of Any Turmoil Coming Their Way, As It Should Be Because:
There In Fact Is Nothing Stirring!
Sorrows, prayers, sorrows. I haven't seen the show (Catherine the Great?) but given the almost-namesake I'm going to keep the quote. There In Fact Is Nothing Stirring!
Honestly though I think I just complain to complain. It would be a lie to suggest that I don't receive these ... visitations of the past ... without gleeful incredulity. I feel like letting something be implies letting it stagnate. I hate that. The best and most truthful understanding of these encounters is through the lens of opportunity. Every rendezvous is a chance to be better than I last was. Usually, when there's enough change from both sides, I am blessed with a resolution.
Sometimes, however, there isn't. In that case I simply use the blade of free will, gifted to all but only wielded by some, and sever the tie. I might not ask for the situation but if needed, I can still get the fuck out!