fuckatherine

This word "deserve," it follows me. My specter of hesitation, burden of uncertainty. Is there something inherently wrong with me? I need someone to tell me if it's me. It doesn't matter, I'm sick of it, it's not a big deal, I want to stop thinking about it, get over it, the weather is so nice, I am always thinking about it, it doesn't matter, I don't believe you, it doesn't matter, the sun is out, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

What do I even deserve? If I get what I "deserve" will it even be what I want?

At this point I don't even care if it's a rude awakening. I just want something.

WHY AM I ALWAYS
THE ONE GETTING OVER IT?
WHY CAN'T I WANT, TOO?